


exception to the rule

by mysterywoozi (writers_haven)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, beta!soonyoung, i know it's rated m but, idk where this came from i just. needed it, if there is porn it will be softcore i am a baby, omega!jihoon, there is no porn here just plot, what is this man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2018-11-02 20:37:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writers_haven/pseuds/mysterywoozi
Summary: Here’s the thing. Soonyoung is a firm believer that you can do anything you put your mind to. Exhibit A, his classmates thought he’d never become an idol with a face as average as his, and yet here he is, with fans that call him sexy onstage and adorable off. He’s like this with most things: he wanted to be cool like SHINee, so he practiced their dances until he could do them in his sleep. The company said he was bad at singing, so he trained and trained and trained until he was good. He was bored of adhering to someone else’s choreography, so he made his own. There isn’t very much that Soonyoung just accepts as a limitation.One of the few exceptions? His secondary gender.





	1. Chapter 1

Here’s the thing. Soonyoung is a firm believer that you can do anything you put your mind to. Exhibit A, his classmates thought he’d never become an idol with a face as average as his, and yet here he is, with fans that call him sexy onstage and adorable off. He’s like this with most things: he wanted to be cool like SHINee, so he practiced their dances until he could do them in his sleep. The company said he was bad at singing, so he trained and trained and trained until he was good. He was bored of adhering to someone else’s choreography, so he made his own. There isn’t very much that Soonyoung just accepts as a limitation.

One of the few exceptions? His secondary gender.

“Heads up, heat week’s coming,” Wonwoo says when Soonyoung comes into their room. “Minghao won’t stop cleaning. Which, I mean, not out of the ordinary for Minghao, but he even came in here and changed all the bedsheets.”

“It’s not _coming_ , it’s already started,” Soonyoung groans, collapsing into his bed. “Seungkwan was leaking pheromones all over the place, even I could smell it. Dokyeom and I had to carry him into a heat room before the alphas got a whiff.”

“Was this in the practice room?” Wonwoo wants to know. “I was in there with Coups-hyung and Dino earlier, that must be why they were fighting so much. I had to get Shua-hyung in to calm them down.” He shakes his head, evidently baffled.

Soonyoung doesn’t blame him. Seventeen as a whole is normally really good at resolving conflict, but once heat week comes along the alphas are snapping at everything and the omegas get sensitive and moody. The betas are left to try to mediate and stop any spontaneous bonding from happening. Thank goodness for Joshua, who’s an absolute pro at handling both his own heat week urges and that of unruly hormonal alphas. (“American alphas are way, way worse,” he’s told Soonyoung before, with a dark look on his face. “I’ll be fine as long as one of you stay with me in case things get out of hand.”) It probably helps that he’s older, and he presented early, so he’s had a lot more experience with heats in general.

“Oh man,” Wonwoo says suddenly, frowning at his phone.

“What?”

“Apparently Jihoon’s heat started while he was still in his studio.”

“ _What?!_ ” Soonyoung repeats, horrified. “That’s not– that room’s not meant for heats, the scent’s going to leak and he’s gonna get alphas clawing down his door!”

“It’s not all that dramatic,” Wonwoo says dryly, rolling his eyes. “They’ve put up tape and signs and sent out an email, no alpha in the company is going to walk within smell-distance and risk getting fired.”

“I guess,” Soonyoung mutters reluctantly. Jihoon’s heats normally take longer than the others, and are, according to the other omegas, particularly intense. Soonyoung can’t help but worry. “Does he need anything? Change of clothes, water?”

Wonwoo smirks at him. “Trying to take care of him, hmm?” he drawls, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Soonyoung scrunches his face up and sticks out his tongue. “Shut up, you look ridiculous,” he sniffs, which, coming from him, is really a little hypocritical. “Just ask him.”

“Ask him yourself, I’m not gonna make a move on Jihoon for you,” Wonwoo snorts.

“I am not _making a move_ ,” Soonyoung protests hotly, chucking a pillow at Wonwoo’s head. It misses, but Wonwoo chucks one back anyway. “I’m just trying to be a responsible interim leader while Cheol-hyung is out of commission.”

“Oh, of course,” Wonwoo says, voice dripping with sarcasm. “That’s why you offered to bring Seungkwan his stuff. Except, wait, no, it was Hansol who did that, wasn’t it?”

Now that’s just unfair. “Hey, they’re dating, I’m not gonna get in the middle of that!”

“No they aren’t, they’re just pining,” Wonwoo argues. He isn’t technically wrong, but.

“They might as well be!” Soonyoung will defend this or die trying. “I’m not going to let poor Vernon think I’m making a move on Seungkwan!”

“So it would be making a move?” Wonwoo counters, smug as anything.

Soonyoung gapes. He hates talking to Wonwoo. “That’s not what I said!” he yelps, but Wonwoo’s back to leering at him. Soonyoung makes the ugliest face he can possibly make at him (it may or may not feature extremely wide nostrils and terrifyingly contorted eyebrows), then rolls off his bed.

 _Need anything?_ he texts Jihoon as he starts to head for the omegas’ room. He isn’t sure if he’ll get a response; depends on how deep Jihoon is into his heat.

“Hope you get laid,” Wonwoo calls as Soonyoung leaves. Soonyoung flips him the bird and slams the door shut.

\---

Just like Wonwoo said, there’s tape quite a good distance away from Jihoon’s studio, along with several metal-plated warnings that make Soonyoung feel a little better; it means this happens often enough that they have ready-made signs for this particular situation. He steps past them carefully and slowly approaches the studio.

Right in front of the door, the scent of omega in heat is so strong it’s making even Soonyoung’s beta-dull nose feel stuffy. He doesn’t hear any whimpering or whining, though, so that’s a good sign that it’s not full-blown heat quite yet. He knocks, three times, loud but calm. “Jihoon?”

Soonyoung waits, but is met with silence. He’s about to knock again, when–

“Soonyoung?” Jihoon’s voice is strained, but it’s strong and clear, not heat-hazed quite yet. “What– What are you doing here?”

“Brought you some stuff,” Soonyoung says. “Water, clothes… some of your, uh, heat aids.” (He is not embarrassed. He is an adult and dildos are a necessity for unpartnered omegas and he is not embarrassed, no, not at all.)

“Oh,” says Jihoon, definitely sounding embarrassed. “Uh, thanks.”

“No problem,” Soonyoung tells him, even though the variety of dildos he’s carrying along with the increasingly heady heat scent is creating a problem for him down below. “Um, do you want me to leave the stuff outside the door, or….?”

“I’ll open the door, give me a second.”

“Yeah, sure, go for it,” Soonyoung says automatically, praying for his semi to go down, or at least be subtle enough that Jihoon won’t notice.

All those prayers are for naught, however, when Jihoon opens the door. Omega heat pheromones wash over Soonyoung like a wave, making his nose and his boner twitch. Jihoon himself is a sight; his hair is mussed up, his cheeks flushed pink, and he doesn’t appear to be wearing pants, leaving his lovely white legs bare. Soonyoung has never wanted to die quite as much as now, and has to berate himself into remembering his manners. It is never appropriate to ogle an omega in heat, much less one that is your friend.

Instead, he fixes his eyes on Jihoon’s face and hands over the backpack of stuff with some attempt at a friendly smile. “You haven’t eaten yet, have you? I brought some of the leftover bibimbap from yesterday, but there’s also snacks in there in case you don’t feel up to a proper meal.”

Jihoon looks grateful, and just the slightest bit touched. It makes Soonyoung’s heart feel warm. “Thanks,” he says sincerely, rifling through the bag’s contents.

Soonyoung beams. “My pleasure,” he tells Jihoon with a grin. “You think that’s enough food and water? I can bring more tomorrow.”

Suddenly there’s a flash of heat-scent crashing over Soonyoung, and the direct exposure to it makes him dizzy. He shakes his head to clear it, taking a step back. “Maybe you should close the door,” he manages, sounding a little choked.

Jihoon’s face flushes a lovely deep pink. “Y-Yeah,” he says, hastily taking the backpack into the room and closing the door. “Thanks again, Soonyoung,” he repeats through the door. “I think, um. There’s enough here to get me through my heat, thanks.”

Good. Well, he had shoved in as much food and water as possible. His sister never went through her heats at home, always at a heat centre, but she always complained about having to eat and drink a lot during heats to keep her strength up.

“Text me if you need anything, yeah?” Soonyoung has to add. He knows he’s probably worried over nothing– Jihoon’s been through heats before, he knows how to deal with them– but he just can’t help it.

There’s a slight pause before Jihoon answers. “Y-Yeah,” he says, sounding a little strangled. Another wave of heat-scent pulses through the door, not as strong as before but still enough to make Soonyoung bite his lip.

“Alright, cool,” Soonyoung manages somehow. “I, uh, better get going, then. See you later, Jihoonie.” He’s already starting to leave, not expecting a reply, when–

“W-Wait!”

Soonyoung stops and turns back to the door. “What?”

“Um.” Jihoon sounds flustered. “Wait, I– uh. This is– kind of embarrassing, but. Um.”

“Jihoonie, I just brought you a bag of dildos,” Soonyoung points out, though saying it makes him blush. (Alright, he is embarrassed, okay!) “I don’t think anything’s gonna be more embarrassing for either of us at this point.”

It was a joke meant to break the tension, but it doesn’t seem to work. “Um,” Jihoon says, sounding painfully awkward. “This is kind of weird, but, uh. Will you, maybe. Stay?”

Soonyoung’s brain comes to a screeching halt.

“N-Not like, as a p-partner or anything!” Jihoon clarifies hastily. “It won’t be long. Just until my heat properly hits. I think it’d really help with the, uh, loneliness.”

It’s the nesting. Jihoon hates the term _nesting_ , thinks it’s too domestic and reinforces stereotypical gender roles, but it is a legit thing omegas go through. It’s why Minghao’s been cleaning every square inch of the dorm and why Seungkwan’s stolen shirts and blankets from everyone all week, and it’s why Jihoon’s reaching out for a familiar scent that isn’t his own, to make his work studio feel more homey and comfortable.

“Sure,” Soonyoung agrees easily. His boner’s not going to thank him later, but it’s a small price to pay for Jihoon’s comfort. It’s not often the tough guy asks for help. “Uh, do you need, like, blankets and stuff, or…?”

“It’s fine, the managers brought in a lot of those,” Jihoon says. “Uh, thanks for doing this. I know it’s–weird.”

“Nah, it’s cool,” Soonyoung assures him. He sits down next to the door and makes himself comfortable, shedding his thick green hoodie to use as a little pillow between his head and the wall. There’s no telling how long it’ll take for Jihoon to go under. And then, because he thinks he hears the clacking of a keyboard, he adds, a little bewildered, “Yah, are you doing work right now?”

The clacking stops. “Uh,” says Jihoon.

Soonyoung groans. “Would it kill you to take it easy while you’re in heat? You’re not thinking straight, you’re going to hate the track when you listen to it again next week.”

“Just because I’m in heat doesn’t mean I’ve lost all ability to think, Soonyoung,” Jihoon snaps.

“Idiot,” Soonyoung scolds. “I’m not saying you can’t think, I’m saying your heat brain doesn’t think like your regular brain.”

“I’m not in heat yet,” Jihoon argues, though rather weakly.

“Oh sure, and I guess sitting against your door gave me a boner just ‘cause,” Soonyoung retorts, then realises exactly what he just said and has a brief flash of panic.

Jihoon’s pheromones spike. “Uh,” he croaks.

Soonyoung hates that his first reaction is _I did that_ , because it was the thought of _a_ boner that induced that spike, not _Soonyoung’s_ boner. Jihoon’s in heat, he’s thirsty for some alpha cock right now, and reminding him that there isn’t any on hand probably isn’t the best idea.

“Uh,” Soonyoung says, clearing his throat and trying not to sound awkward. “Let’s. Forget I said that.”

“Yeah,” Jihoon replies in a strangled voice. In a desperate attempt to change the subject, he asks, “How’s, uh, everyone holding up?”

Soonyoung seizes the chance. “Both you and Seungkwan started going into heat really suddenly today, so Minghao and Shua-hyung are gonna spend the night in the dorm’s heat room. The alphas still seem alright, just a little irritable, so we’ll take them to the rut centre in the morning, but the betas are going to stay with them tonight to make sure they don’t fight or break anything.” He carries on in this fashion, rattling off what’s happening with each of the other members. Jihoon hums and asks questions every so often, but it’s getting more and more sparing, and his scent is getting stronger by the minute.

“Jihoonie?” he asks, when Jihoon doesn’t say anything for a full two minutes. “You alright?”

Jihoon makes a keening noise that lights a fire in the pit of Soonyoung’s stomach. “So hot,” he whimpers. “Need– I need–”

Aaaaand that’s Soonyoung’s cue to get the hell out of here.

“Okay alright have a good heat bye,” Soonyoung practically yelps, scrambling to his feet as quickly as possible.

“No no _no_ , don’t go,” Jihoon actually _begs_. “Don’t go, please, _please_ –”

Soonyoung’s breath hitches. He knows, _knows_ it’s just the heat talking, knows Jihoon can barely tell the difference between Soonyoung and any other warm body right now, but he can’t help the little twinge in his chest. Maybe, some traitorous part of his brain whispers. Maybe, maybe–

“ _Alpha_ ,” Jihoon sobs, and it’s like a bolt of lightning to Soonyoung’s heart.

“Bye, Jihoonie,” he whispers, and practically runs away, until he can no longer hear Jihoon’s desperate pleas for an alpha, any alpha, every alpha.

Here’s the thing. Wonwoo can joke all he wants about Soonyoung making moves and spending heats with Jihoon, but the cold, hard truth is that Soonyoung isn’t an alpha. He isn’t what Jihoon wants, not what he needs so desperately, and he never will be. He’s just a beta, a painfully average beta, and that’s never going to change. And Jihoon? Jihoon deserves better.

There isn’t very much that Soonyoung just accepts as a limitation.

The only exception? His secondary gender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this? what is this?? look man idk i'm just. i needed this a/b/o to exist. i was trying to write catfic ok and then somehow this happened i d k
> 
> also this is my first M and yes i feel the need to rate it M because i mean i don't intend to write any straight up banging but a/b/o during heat week?? everyone wants to bang, it has to be an M
> 
> thanks very much for reading, more to come, hopefully soon! feel free to drop me some kudos or a comment if you liked it! 
> 
> just fyi:  
> Coups - alpha  
> Jeonghan - alpha  
> Joshua - omega  
> Jun - alpha  
> Wonwoo - beta  
> Hoshi - beta  
> Woozi - omega  
> Seokmin - beta  
> Mingyu - beta  
> The8 - omega  
> Seungkwan - omega  
> Vernon - beta  
> Dino - alpha


	2. Chapter 2

Seungcheol is playing with his phone in the living room, already bare-faced and in pajamas, when Soonyoung gets home. “Hey,” he greets, with a smile not quite as easy as usual, tight at the edges from his impending rut.

“Hey,” Soonyoung mumbles back, the sound of Jihoon’s voice begging for an _alpha_ still ringing in his ears. He tries to push it to the back of his mind. “What’re you still doing up?” It’s not quite late yet, but pre-rut normally has Seungcheol fluctuating between alpha aggression and complete exhaustion. Soonyoung thought he’d be passed out in his bed by now.

“You know I can’t sleep until you kids come home,” Seungcheol says. It’s an alpha thing, the urge to protect his pack, amplified by the fact that he’s pack leader and about to go into rut, but he looks more frazzled than normal. “Did you go to see Jihoon? Is he okay?” he asks, sounding worried. “Does he need anything?”

And there, there it is, the alpha need to protect and provide for an omega in heat, the trope in all the romance movies, the subject of a million love songs. It’s a natural biological response, one so strong it makes you lose control over your body and desires, leaves you with no choice but to fall in love in the wake of its power. Soonyoung will never know an urge like that.

“He’s fine,” Soonyoung says shortly.

“Wonwoo said you brought him food and stuff,” Seungcheol begins lightly, and Soonyoung has a thought of rut-aggressive Seungcheol baring his teeth, staking a claim on Jihoon. It passes in a flash, but the idea sinks its claws into Soonyoung’s heart, keeps digging deeper by the second. They’d be perfect, he thinks bitterly. Alpha-and-omega, two halves of a whole. Made for each other.

“Just doing what you would have done, leader,” Soonyoung says, with a pathetic attempt at a smile.

That seems to catch Seungcheol off-guard. “Right,” he says after a moment. “Of course, yes, uh.” He fumbles with his words for a bit, then decides on, “Thanks for taking care of him, then.”

It’s the desired result– no bared teeth, no punches to the face– but it leaves a sour taste in Soonyoung’s mouth. It feels like he’s being thanked for being being Seungcheol’s replacement, for acting where Seungcheol couldn’t, for being the back-up plan. Which, essentially, is what he wanted Seungcheol to think, but it still feels like shit.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Soonyoung declares abruptly. He needs to get away, needs to be alone for a minute.

Seungcheol’s temper flares. “Why are you being so short with me?” he demands. “If you have a problem, just come out and say it.”

His fucking _rut_. Soonyoung’s mad too, but he can’t lash out like he wants to, not when the slightest bit of aggression could lead to Seungcheol trying to rip his throat out. It’s so frustrating. “I’m sorry, hyung,” Soonyoung forces himself to say through gritted teeth. He needs to calm down.

“Well, you don’t sound very sorry,” Seungcheol challenges, rising to his feet. “You think I don’t know you by now? What’s going on, you want a fight?”

The sound of a door opening interrupts them, and Vernon appears from the hallway wearing a timid, wary expression. “Are you guys fighting?” he asks cautiously, obviously torn between the need to respect his hyungs and his duty to break up any fights during the testy pre-rut period.

The fear on his face makes all of Soonyoung’s anger dissolve into nothing. Conflict and aggression has always made poor Hansol uncomfortable, but now he’s coming out ready to stop a fight, because that’s what his hyungs have taught him. It’s supposed to be Soonyoung’s job, as interim leader and one of the oldest betas, to stop fights before they happen, and yet here he is, letting his stupid feelings get in the way of his responsibilities. It’s shameful. Pathetic.

Soonyoung takes a deep breath. He needs to get a fucking grip.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he repeats, and means it this time. It’s not Seungcheol’s fault he’s an alpha. “I was being rude. I didn’t mean it. I’m just– tired. It’s been a long day.”

Maybe it’s the exhaustion in his tone, but Seungcheol’s hard expression melts at his words. “No, that was my fault,” he sighs, rubbing his hands over his face. “My rut– I know it’s not an excuse, but it just got the better of me for a second there. I’m sorry, Soonyoung.” He sends an apologetic smile at Soonyoung, which Soonyoung returns weakly.

“Crisis averted,” Vernon sighs, sounding relieved. “You know the rules, hyungs, hug it out.”

It’s not really a rule, just something Seungkwan always makes them do, but Soonyoung supposes it might as well be with how adamant the dongsaeng line are about enforcing it. Seungcheol and Soonyoung exchange hesitant grins before they step closer and grasp each other in a tight hug. It’s nice and warm and comforting, just like all of Seungcheol’s hugs, and Soonyoung thinks, _if I’m going to lose my first love to anyone, at least it’s Seungcheol._

\---

The rest of heat week goes by quickly. The alphas go to the rut center bright and early the next morning. Joshua heads to a heat room in the company building some time after lunch (he’s got his cycle down to the hour), while Minghao huddles up in the dorm heat room with approximately twelve blankets to wait out his heat. The other betas mostly use the time to get some well-deserved rest (or, in Mingyu’s case, hover worriedly outside the dorm’s heat room– they fight a lot, but he and Minghao really are very close, and Minghao has never dealt with heats very well).

Soonyoung, on the other hand, throws himself into his work, practices so hard his legs feel like jelly, until he’s so tired he can’t think, because whenever his mind starts to wander, it always drifts back to Jihoon, to the sounds he made through that door, the way he pleaded for an _alpha_. It feels like a jagged shard of glass in his heart, shoved deeper and deeper with every thought.

By the end of the week, he’s finished the choreography for three songs, with a fourth well on the way. The managers and choreographers force him to take a day off, which he isn’t happy about but concedes because overworking is a well-known evil of idol life, and just another hour of work could put him out of commission for months. He hangs out with the other betas, watching terrible movies while lounging on the sofa in the most un-idol-like positions possible and shovelling junk food into their mouths. It’s nice, relaxing, and it makes Soonyoung feel better.

He dreams about Jihoon that night, a dream that begins with Jihoon texting him to bring something or other to him from the dorm, and ends with Soonyoung gasping awake, cock hard and face burning. He jerks off in the shower, to the memory of Jihoon’s whines and whimpers and heat-scent. _Alpha_ , Jihoon’s voice chokes in his mind, just before he spills into his hand.

He cleans himself off methodically, guilt and shame gnawing at his stomach, and pretends it never happened.

Jihoon does not text him.

\---

Minghao emerges from the heat room early on the seventh day, a little shaky and gross but perfectly lucid. Mingyu fusses over him, helps him into the shower and makes him breakfast and generally smothers him in affection. Minghao doesn’t complain, which is normal for right after his heat but always worries Soonyoung a little bit, but in a couple of hours he’s back to making snide remarks at Mingyu, if not outright bickering quite yet.

Seungkwan and Joshua turn up a few hours later, tired but freshly showered. They’re met with enthusiastic hugs all around, then the three omegas go about cleaning up the heat room.

The alphas come home soon after, all already in pretty high spirits. Poor Channie’s the only one who looks exhausted, probably because he presented only last year and he’s not used to full-blown ruts quite yet. Jun’s got an arm around his shoulder, no doubt reassuring and encouraging him.

Jihoon still isn’t home by the time the sun sets. Soonyoung’s a little worried, because normally a pack’s heats and ruts happen within 24 hours of each other, and it’s generally accepted practice to give it a day before leaving a heat room, so they should all be back on the same day, but Jihoon hasn’t even texted anyone about where he is.

“He’s probably started working again,” Jun points out reasonably over dinner. “He spent his heat in his studio, right?” They like to joke about Joshua being the group’s omega mom– and it’s true, he’s kind and easy to talk to and great at giving advice– but Jun, despite being an alpha, is a close runner up. He’s very attentive to the group’s emotional needs, likes to take care of everyone.

“That’s probably it,” Soonyoung agrees with a sigh. He wouldn’t put it past that workaholic.

“He’ll be home soon, don’t worry,” Jun reassures him with a friendly pat on the shoulder.

Sure enough, when they get home from dinner, Jihoon’s sitting cross-legged on the living room sofa, toying with his phone. There’s a lot of yelling and enthusiastic hugging (or attempts at hugging), especially on Seokmin and Seungkwan’s parts. Jihoon tsks and grumbles and half-heartedly shoves them off, but ultimately allows himself to be smothered under a dogpile.

“Alright, let the guy breathe,” Seungcheol laughs, smacking every butt within reach to make them move. It takes quite a bit of smacking, but eventually everyone clambers off and heads to their own rooms, bickering over the showers.

Somehow, Soonyoung ends up being last to leave, meaning he’s left alone in the living room with Jihoon. He immediately makes for an escape–

“Hey.”

Soonyoung stops in his tracks. He doesn’t want to, but he plasters a smile on his face and turns around like everything’s okay. “What’s up?”

“Um,” says Jihoon, eyes flicking down to his lap. “Thanks, for– for before.”

It must by the third or fourth time Jihoon’s said that already. “You don’t have to keep thanking me, you know,” Soonyoung tells him. “I wanted to.”

That makes Jihoon’s gaze leap up to meet Soonyoung’s, eyes wide with surprise, and Soonyoung feels his breath catch in his throat as he realises what he’s just said. He swallows. “Uh, I mean,” he laughs nervously, trying to save himself, “what kind of friend would I be if I just let you suffer?”

That wide-eyed surprise on Jihoon’s face slips off instantly, replaced by– something Soonyoung’s hopeful, delusional brain interprets as disappointment, but is probably relief. “Oh,” he says softly. “Right. Well, thanks anyway.”

“I told you, there’s no need to thank me,” Soonyoung huffs, rolling his eyes even though he’s not actually annoyed. “Don’t worry about it, Jihoonie.”

Jihoon gives him a little awkward smile. It makes Soonyoung feel disgustingly soft, so he steels himself and asks, “So was there anything else, or…?”

“Oh, yeah, um.” Jihoon looks embarrassed. “You, uh, left your hoodie behind, the other day. It smelled like– well– so I put it in the wash.”

“Hoodie?” It takes Soonyoung a moment, but eventually he recalls the green hoodie he was using as a pillow against the wall. He hadn’t even noticed he’d deserted it in his haste to leave Jihoon to his heat. “Ah, right. Thanks.”

That makes Jihoon shrink a little, avoiding Soonyoung’s eyes. He looks mortified, which, really, accidentally soaking a friend’s shirt in heat pheromones shouldn’t be awkward if that same friend has literally handed you a bag of your dildos. Plus, Soonyoung’s the one who should be mortified here, considering his– his _terrible inappropriate disgusting_ thoughts about Jihoon recently. He finds himself wishing, briefly, that Jihoon hadn’t washed the hoodie before returning it, and is so horrified at himself he just wallows in shame for a little bit, berating his absolutely filthy brain and praying none of it showed on his face.

“Well,” Jihoon squeaks after a solid thirty seconds of awkward silence, getting to his feet. “I’m– going to bed.”

“Yes, right,” Soonyoung says faintly, relieved. “Um, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Jihoon manages a painfully awkward smile, then hightails it out of there.

Soonyoung breathes out a sigh and sinks onto the sofa, burying his face in his hands. He doesn’t know how, but he has to get rid of this fucking crush before it destroys his and Jihoon’s friendship.

He just hopes it’s not too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soonyoung mate wyd y all this angst 
> 
> anyway, hope you enjoyed! please leave a comment if you did, or hmu on tumblr/twitter @mysterywoozi if you prefer! i mean i have 0 idea how twitter works but hey help me figure it out (+i feel like it's a good place to like keep y'all updated on the stuff i'm working on but haven't finished u feel me)
> 
> just to anticipate a few questions: people typically present around 15-16 and experience less intense/spotty heats/ruts until a year or so after. heats/ruts come around once every 3 months, and vary in intensity from person to person. any extra questions are welcomed, either here in the comments or on tumblr/twitter.
> 
> thanks for reading! hope to be back soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Soonyoung’s become something of an expert at ignoring his feelings for Jihoon. It’s been some time since he first felt some spark in his heart over Jihoon. The problem is: somehow, somewhere along the way, that little spark became a full-blown explosion, complete with pink confetti and dramatic falling over. Soonyoung was too busy ignoring it to notice until a week ago, but now that he has, _he can’t stop thinking about it_. It’s like he’s opened some Pandora’s box in his mind, and now everything Jihoon does sets off the confetti cannons, and Soonyoung has no clue how he’s going to stop Jihoon– or any of the members, gossips that they are– from noticing.

He starts avoiding Jihoon. It’s not hard, since they’re preparing for their new album, which always leaves the two of them busy with their work. Soonyoung basically lives in the practice room; Jihoon shuts himself up in his studio (which you’d think he’d be tired of after spending his entire heat in there, but apparently not). They barely see each other all week, eating and rehearsing separately; when they do, at group practice or break time or the odd mealtime the whole group spends together, Soonyoung does his best to act normal and avoid any prolonged conversation with Jihoon. It’s not like he and Jihoon often socialise when all thirteen of them are together, so the week passes without incident, and Soonyoung lets himself relax. Maybe, he thinks, this won’t be so bad after all.

Of course, this is when Soonyoung starts to slip.

The first time it happens is approximately ten days after heat week. They’re doing a V Live, just to reassure the Carats they’re alive and well– their cycles have never been officially announced, no idol ever would, but fans are always sharp, and always know. It hasn’t caused them any trouble (yet), but Soonyoung’s heard of groups that have to send out decoys and false information so that none of the fans take advantage of members in heat or rut.

It’s a casual thing, framed as a guerrilla broadcast at Seungkwan’s whim. Four of them– Soonyoung, Chan, Mingyu and Seungkwan– squish onto a sofa so as to fit in frame, chatting comfortably and reading out comments and picking on Chan when he tries too hard to be funny. It’s fun, and it’s comfortable, and Soonyoung’s guard drops.

This is, of course, the moment Seungkwan reads, “Seventeen’s Most Dateable Member is…?”

“It’s me, it’s me,” Jun says immediately, popping in frame to grin and wink only to be shoved out again by a flurry of fake kicks.

“Most dateable, huh,” Seungkwan muses, expression turning thoughtful. “Like, who we think our Carats would most want to date?”

“Won’t Mingyu-hyung rank high, then?” Dino asks, which makes Mingyu grin and pose. “Since he’s handsome.”

“No, no, no, this is about overall personality and charisma,” Seungkwan corrects, obviously trying to get himself nominated. “Mingyu-hyung is– well, he’s handsome, and he can do a lot of things, but–”

“What _but_ , there are no _buts_!” Mingyu is protesting, shoving at Seungkwan playfully.

“–but he has a lot of flaws, too,” Seungkwan continues, keeping Mingyu at bay as best he can, “like–he’s too tall, it’s burdensome for smaller people–”

“Hey!”

“–and he’s super clumsy, he’d break something on every date and you’d have to pay for it–“

“Yah, you’re being too much, honestly–”

The two have a little scuffle, during which Chan steals the selfie stick and puts himself and Soonyoung in center frame instead. “For me,” he says, as if there isn’t yelping and shrieking and flailing limbs right next to him, “maybe… Joshua-hyung?”

“Yeah, man!” cries Joshua from off-screen, making all of them laugh.

“Because he’s handsome, and a gentleman, and he takes care of people really well,” Dino finishes. “What about you, Hoshi-hyung?”

Soonyoung’s mouth moves before his brain does. “Isn’t it Woozi?” he says, almost absently, attention more on Seungkwan stealing the selfie stick back and putting himself and Mingyu back into frame.

“Why?” Seungkwan asks, just as absently, checking his hair in the viewfinder. “Because he’s cute?”

“It’s like– doesn’t he have a wide appeal? Like, he’s cute, but he’s also manly and tough. He’s musical, but can also do sports. He’s good at singing, he’s good at dance, he can rap, he can play like seven instruments, his composing and producing skills are obviously killer–”

“What is this, your confession?” Seungkwan interrupts jokingly. Everyone laughs, but all Soonyoung can do is tamp down on the panic rising in his chest and force himself to smile, hoping nobody will notice. He’s just grateful that Jihoon’s not in the room, and prays he isn’t watching the V Live.

“Hoshi-yah, come help me with this,” Jeonghan calls suddenly, beckoning him over to where he’s standing, next to the coffee machine in their pantry.

“Yes, hyung,” Soonyoung replies gratefully, hopping off the sofa as Seungkwan diverts attention by throwing Mingyu a bone and naming him Most Dateable.

“One cappuccino, please,” Jeonghan tells him, grinning obnoxiously, and Soonyoung rolls his eyes good-naturedly but goes about making a cappuccino anyway.

“Be careful,” Jeonghan says a little later, voice low under the noise of the coffee machine.

Soonyoung swallows. He doesn’t have to ask what he means. “Yes, hyung,” he says. “I– sorry.”

Jeonghan’s expressions softens. “It’s alright,” he says kindly. “Just don’t let it happen again, or it won’t be me you’ll be apologising to. Okay?”

Soonyoung nods. The coffee machine sputters to a halt. Jeonghan swipes the steaming cup of coffee with one hand, ruffles Soonyoung’s hair with the other, then goes to join the others, who are falling over each other laughing at some joke Seokmin’s made.

Soonyoung takes a deep breath. It won’t happen again. He can’t let it happen again, especially not on camera.

“Hey,” and oh god, Jihoon is here, adorable in his too-big sweater and Dope cap, face pink and eyes refusing to meet Soonyoung’s. “I, uh, caught the V Live.”

“Oh, right.” Soonyoung’s mouth is dry, but he has to keep it cool.

“Didn’t know you, um, thought so highly of me.”

“Yeah, well, you do have a lot of talents,” Soonyoung says, licking his lips.

Jihoon ducks his head, hiding his face under the brim of his cap. “Thanks,” he mumbles, terrible as usual at taking compliments. He pauses like he’s going to say something, but then seems to reconsider, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

An awkward silence settles between them.

“Uh,” Soonyoung breaks it, because it is suffocating him, “was there anything else, or…?”

Jihoon freezes. “If– If you’re trying to get me to return the compliment, it’s not going to work,” he says, flustered.

For once, Soonyoung hadn’t been fishing. He huffs a laugh, but doesn’t correct him. “I have to go,” he says instead, stepping away–

“W-Wait,” Jihoon interrupts, stopping him in his tracks. “Um. Will you come to dinner, tonight? With everyone?”

 _With me_ , Soonyoung’s stupid heart wants to hear.

“I don’t know,” he hears himself say. “Maybe.”

He heads out the door and straight for the practice room. He thinks he sees Jihoon’s face fall with disappointment as he goes.

It’s just wishful thinking, he tells himself, and throws himself into his work.

\---

The next time Soonyoung talks to Jihoon is over text, a whole three days later. Seokmin is trying to drag him out of the practice room to eat dinner with a few of the others, and since Jihoon’s still working they decide to invite him along.

“Hyung, can you text him? My phone’s dead,” Seokmin says.

Soonyoung freezes.

Seokmin looks mildly alarmed. “Uh, are you okay?”

He has to act normal. “Thought I saw a moth,” he lies. “Anyway, stop ordering your hyung around, go ask him yourself, his studio’s right outside.”

“But hyung!” Seokmin whines, wiggling around and making that one face he obviously thinks is adorable. (It sort of is, but the group has decided as a whole they’re not going to inflate his ego by agreeing.) “His studio’s all the way across the building and your phone is literally in your hands! Please?”

“Aish, this kid,” Soonyoung grumbles, scrunching up his nose at him.

Seokmin beams back, bright like sunshine. “Hyung, I looove you,” he sings, fluttering his eyelashes obnoxiously. “Hyung, you’re the beeest!”

This continues for a good minute or two. “Yeah, yeah, okay, just _stop_ ,” Soonyoung caves eventually, and hopes Seokmin is too busy cheering to notice Soonyoung’s nervousness.

He steels himself. It’s easier to lie over text. He’ll be fine. He just has to act normal. What would he normally say?

**Yo**

**Dinner?**

  
It takes a little while, which is surprising considering how prompt Jihoon’s replies usually are, but eventually he answers:

**sure**

**what are we eating**

**What do u feel like eatin**

  
A pause on Jihoon’s end.

**galbijjim?**

**i mean we don’t have to**

**i’d be happy to eat something else if you want**

**Nah it’s cool u read my mind**

**Galbijjim it is**

**Meet u at ur studio in 5mins**

  
Wonwoo sticks his head into the practice room. “Are we doing dinner or not?” he wants to know, already wearing his grumpy hungry face.

“Yeah,” Soonyoung says, standing up and stretching. “The galbijjim place closes pretty early, we better get going.”

“But hyung,” Seokmin whines, “I wanted chicken!”

“And are you paying?” Soonyoung retorts as he flicks off the lights in the practice room.

Seokmin pouts. “…Galbijjim it is.”

“You’re paying?” Wonwoo asks, no doubt already planning to order the most expensive things on the menu. “How generous.”

“I am the hyung here, aren’t I?” It’s not because Jihoon is joining them. He may be older than Wonwoo only by a couple of days, but he’s still older. He has a responsibility to take care of them.

Jihoon’s already waiting for them outside his studio when they get there, one hand in his pocket and the other scrolling on his phone. He looks effortlessly cool, even in his huge oversized sweater. It’s honestly unfair.

Wonwoo grins and nudges him. “I was wondering why you were being so generous today,” he says smugly.

Soonyoung sniffs. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He hopes Seokmin hasn’t heard the exchange. Seokmin is a good friend, but he’s also a loudmouth, and if word of this _thing_ Soonyoung has for Jihoon gets round, especially to Jihoon himself…

Soonyoung shudders at the thought. He thinks he might, seriously, rather die.

Thankfully, Seokmin is preoccupied. “Hyung!” Seokmin yells, waving energetically at Jihoon.

Jihoon looks up. He’s looking a little more idol-like than he normally bothers to when he’s just working all day, with his soft blue jumper and round glasses that are far too big for his face and– is he wearing a lip tint?

“Oh,” he says, sounding surprised. His eyes flick between Seokmin and Soonyoung. “I, uh. I didn’t realise you were, um, coming.”

“Yeah, it’s just us four,” Seokmin chirps. “Hope you’re hungry for galbijjim, Hoshi-hyung’s buying.”

Soonyoung very carefully does not react. There’s nothing embarrassing about a hyung wanting to treat his dongsaengs to dinner. Nothing at all. 

“You look nice today,” Wonwoo is saying to Jihoon, his stupid smug grin still in place. “Are you wearing cologne?”

“No,” Jihoon says immediately. He looks away, fiddling with his too-long sleeves. “I, um. I actually came out to say I’m not going. I, uh, hit a stride with my work, so.”

Wonwoo frowns. “You sure?” he asks. “I mean, Seokmin and I can–”

“It’s fine,” Jihoon cuts him off, still not meeting any of their eyes. “I’ll– see you later.”

Wonwoo still doesn’t look happy, but doesn’t argue. Soonyoung isn’t sure if he’s relieved or disappointed. On one hand, he won’t have to pretend his heart isn’t exploding confetti every time Jihoon so much as looks his way; on the other, Jihoon’s been known to forget to eat when he’s in the zone.

“Want us to get you something?” he finds himself offering.

Jihoon pauses. “Yeah,” he agrees eventually, finally looking Soonyoung in the eye. “Yeah, I’d like that. Thanks.”

There’s– something that passes between them there, some charged moment, like there’s something Jihoon’s trying to say, but Soonyoung just– doesn’t know what it is.

“Alright, hyung, let’s go, I’m starving!” Seokmin breaks the moment, already scampering ahead. Wonwoo follows a moment after, shaking his head.

Soonyoung lingers, though he doesn’t know why. “Don’t work too hard,” is all he ends up saying.

Jihoon nods, not quite smiling but looking sort of– softer, somehow. “You too,” he says quietly.

“Hyung!”

Soonyoung swallows, nods back, and goes.

\---

Soonyoung isn’t sure what that– _thing_ was, that day, but it planted some– some seed of hope in Soonyoung’s chest, and it’s making him think he– has a chance.

Which isn’t the case, at all, ever, so he doubles his efforts in avoiding Jihoon. They barely see each other for a solid five days, and even when they do Soonyoung doesn’t look at him or speak to him and tries (mostly in vain) not to even think of him.

The others are starting to catch on, casting them concerned looks and sometimes even prodding, though gently, into what’s going on between them. Soonyoung rebuffs all attempts by insisting that he’s fine and just dealing with some stuff, that he and Jihoon haven’t had a fight, they’re just both busy and tired. He doesn’t know if they approach Jihoon, or how Jihoon responds if they do.

It works for a while, though none of the members seem convinced. Soonyoung can’t bring himself to care, not when his brain has started trying to convince him there’s a chance, misremembering things the way his heart wants, seeing expressions and emotions that weren’t really there. _Maybe he likes you back,_ whispers a tiny part of him.

 _No, he doesn’t,_ he tries to tell himself firmly, but the words stick less and less with every passing day.

 _Maybe_.

\---

Things come to a head a few days later.

Jeonghan and Seungkwan have somehow wrangled a promise from their managers to buy them all samgyupsal for dinner, so all thirteen of them cheer and make for the restaurant. Soonyoung, Seungcheol and Jihoon end up going a little later than the others, since a meeting they were in overran. Seungcheol bullies a stylist-noona into driving them there, and with the two of them as a buffer, the car ride isn’t too terrible, even if Soonyoung talks a little too much and Jihoon not at all.

When they get to the restaurant, Seungcheol takes a seat next to Joshua and across from Jeonghan, which wouldn’t be a problem, except–

This leaves Jihoon and Soonyoung sitting across from each other. Right on the end of the long table. With just one grill between them.

Soonyoung feels faint.

Jihoon seems just as awkward as Soonyoung feels. He takes a seat next to Seungcheol, which leaves Soonyoung next to Jeonghan. Neither seems to notice when Jihoon and Soonyoung join them.

Conversation down the table is boisterous and lively, as it always is, but Soonyoung and Jihoon are embroiled in painfully awkward silence.

“Um,” says Jihoon after a solid five minutes of them avoiding each other’s gazes and pretending to check their phones and half-heartedly picking at side dishes. “Are you– are we okay?”

That catches Soonyoung off-guard. “Y-Yeah, of course,” he breathes, heart pounding. He can’t let Jihoon know, he has to act normal. “Why?”

Jihoon shrugs, not meeting Soonyoung’s eyes. “I don’t know, just. Feels like you’ve been giving me the silent treatment lately.”

And oh, he looks so hurt, Soonyoung’s heart is going to break. He didn’t realise his avoiding Jihoon would make him feel like this.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Just– didn’t want to bother you with my chatter,” Soonyoung says, trying for reassuring. “You’ve been working hard, you must be tired.”

Jihoon finally looks at him and smiles, a tiny hesitant thing that makes that goddamn confetti cannon go off in Soonyoung’s chest, and Soonyoung has to wrest every ounce of professionalism in him to control his expression. He is an idol, this stuff is his bread and butter.

“You being quiet bothers me more,” Jihoon says, sounding a little more like himself. “I thought you had, like, a disease or something.”

“Hey!” Soonyoung protests, though it’s mostly for show. That sort of concern-dressed-as-an-insult style of comment is familiar by now, after years of knowing Jihoon. “I’m not that noisy.”

Jihoon smiles properly then, lovely and wide. “You’re only ever quiet when you’re asleep,” he teases, “and even then you snore like a jackhammer–”

“I do not!” Soonyoung interrupts, aghast. “This is– slander!”

“Sometimes you do!” Jihoon insists, laughing now. “When you’re really tired. Hasn’t Wonwoo given you shit for it?”

Soonyoung is sort of mortified. “Yeah, but I didn’t think he was _serious_. Is it really that loud?”

“Soonyoung, we could hear you through the wall,” Jihoon tells him, and bursts into laughter at Soonyoung’s horrified expression. “Oh, wipe that stupid look off your face, you stopped once we rolled you onto your side.”

That’s… slightly better, but still. It’s a little late now, but it’s not like he wants his crush to know something this embarrassing about him, especially before he knew it himself.

“Are you sulking?” Jihoon wants to know, evidently highly amused by this whole thing.

“No,” Soonyoung sulks.

Jihoon opens his mouth, no doubt to say something relentlessly mocking, but just then a platter of meat is set in front of them, distracting them both. Loud cheers erupt all the way down the table; Soonyoung and Jihoon join in enthusiastically, already drooling.

“Thank you, managers!” Seungcheol cries loudly, to roaring assent. “We’ll eat well!”

“We’ll eat well!” the boys chorus, immediately starting to grill their meat, and suddenly Soonyoung realises something important: every table has the same sized platter, but where the others are splitting it fourways, Soonyoung and Jihoon will get half each.

“Think they’ll notice?” Soonyoung whispers when he points this out to Jihoon, casually moving the platter over to the far side from the rest of the group.

Jihoon is already laying strips of meat on the grill. “We have to get rid of the evidence before they do,” he says solemnly, like they’re discussing a serious crime.

“I think we can do that,” Soonyoung says, and they grin at each other over sizzling pork belly.

\---

Soonyoung sort of forgets himself. Jihoon is smiling and lovely and easy to talk to, and Soonyoung is weak. He gets swept up in it, smiles back, shoves absurdly large lettuce wraps into his mouth to make Jihoon laugh. He gives in to the urge to feed Jihoon more appropriately sized wraps, lets his fingers linger just a smidge when they brush against Jihoon’s lips, deludes himself into thinking that Jihoon’s face is flushed with delight when it’s just the heat of the grill. It’s nice, comfortable, and Soonyoung’s heart is so full and warm it feels like it’s overflowing.

For a moment, Soonyoung lets himself indulge. Maybe this– could be his life. Maybe– even if Jihoon doesn’t like him now, maybe– maybe he could– learn to love a beta–

“Woozi-yah, you like these, right?” Seungcheol’s voice interrupts as he piles grilled mushrooms onto Jihoon’s plate.

“That’s too much,” Jihoon complains. “I’m really full, hyung.”

“Leader’s orders,” Seungcheol persists. “You’ve been cooped up in your studio all week, you haven’t been eating properly, have you?”

“I’ve eaten plenty,” Jihoon says stubbornly, which sparks a familiar argument about deadlines and self-care, and Jihoon must be in a good mood because his smile doesn’t disappear even as he quarrels with Seungcheol.

And just like that, it’s like all the wind has been knocked out of him. _Alpha_ , Jihoon’s voice rings in Soonyoung’s mind. An alpha is right there, next to him, giving him food and bickering with him in that familiar way only old friends have. Jihoon doesn’t need a beta, doesn’t need Soonyoung, not when he has Seungcheol.

And Soonyoung… would just be in the way.

He’s indulged in his fantasies long enough. It’s time he came back to reality.

“Hoshi!” Jeonghan’s voice snaps him out of his little stupor. “Are you coming?”

Soonyoung blinks, still feeling a little shaken. “What?”

“Dessert! We’re going for ice cream, are you coming?”

Ice cream. He can just see it, Jihoon insisting he can’t eat anymore, Seungcheol making him have half of his own. The thought makes him feel sick.

“I, uh, I think I should get back to work,” he says, hoping his smile doesn’t look plastic. “You guys have fun, though.”

Something tells him he hasn’t quite managed to fool Jeonghan, perceptive as he is, but thankfully, he lets it slide. “And you guys?” he asks Jihoon and Seungcheol instead.

Jihoon’s eyes flick to Soonyoung’s. “I think I should– go back to work, too,” he says.

Seungcheol tuts. “There you two go again, always working,” he nags, pouting. “Alright, just don’t overwork yourselves, okay?”

“Yes, hyung,” they chorus, and the whole group starts to clear out of the restaurant, calling out their thanks to the owners and bowing at the various kindly aunties and uncles who smile and wave them off. The members pile into their regular two vans, noisy and excited as ever; Soonyoung and Jihoon are ushered into a manager-hyung’s car to be taken back to the company.

Jihoon’s eyes are still bright and his cheeks still dimpled with a little smile, but he thankfully doesn’t attempt to make much conversation throughout the car ride back. He hums along with the radio, nodding his head to the beat, but mostly leaves Soonyoung alone, only nudging him and grinning when one of their songs comes on.

It’s only when they’re alone, climbing the stairs to what’s essentially become Seventeen’s floor, that Jihoon says, almost shyly, “It was nice to, um, catch up with you, tonight. It feels like– like we haven’t been talking very much lately, even though we, uh, live together and practice together and all that. We should, um, do this more often, maybe.”

And oh no, he sounds so soft and genuine and lovely, but Soonyoung– Soonyoung can’t, not like that, not if he’s going to get over this stupid crush.

“I’m pretty busy with work, though,” he says, not looking at Jihoon.

Jihoon doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Soonyoung swallows the urge to take it back. _He doesn’t mean it like that,_ he tells himself sternly. _He just wants to become better friends. He doesn’t like you, not like you like him._

“Oh,” Jihoon finally says, voice soft. “Right, of course. Yeah, I’m pretty busy too. Maybe– Maybe after the album’s done?”

His hopeful tone drives a stake through Soonyoung’s heart. He must have noticed Soonyoung keeping him at arm’s length, must be hoping to get his friend back, but Soonyoung– _can’t_.

“Maybe,” Soonyoung says, as they come up to the point where they’ll have to go their separate ways. He plasters a smile on his face. “Well, see you later.”

Jihoon looks– lost, confused, disappointed. Soonyoung heart aches at the sight. “Yeah,” he says, voice tiny. “Don't- work too hard, okay?”

“Yeah, you too,” Soonyoung says with a little wave, and immediately gets out of there before he cracks and spills the beans.

He does not look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stop sy 2k17
> 
> also this was written out of order and idk if that shows but yknow. if you feel like it's sorta weird that's probably why
> 
> i'm sorry this took so gosh darned long! i was deciding how stuff should happen and in what order for the longest time. but hey, at least this chapter is pretty long to make up for it?
> 
> lemme know what you thought about it, i'd love to hear from you! comment down below, or @mysterywoozi on tumblr/twitter!


	4. Chapter 4

Soonyoung is good after that. He doesn’t slip up again, doesn’t get comfortable, doesn’t delude himself into seeing things that aren’t there. He avoids Jihoon, he avoids Seungcheol, he even avoids Wonwoo, who keeps frowning at him like he’s concerned and wants to talk about it and Soonyoung just– can’t deal with that, not right now.

And then, one day, he meets Jihoon coming out of his studio.

“Oh, hey,” Jihoon says, not sounding nearly as panicked as Soonyoung feels. “You heading home, too?”

“Uh, well,” says Soonyoung. He’d thought Jihoon had gone home already; he usually leaves around 3am. Soonyoung’s been staying until 4 on purpose, just to avoid him. “I was, uh, actually thinking of staying a little longer.”

Jihoon gives him an odd look. “You have your backpack on, though?”

Ah, shit. Soonyoung shifts his weight nervously. “Yeah, well, I just– there’s a lot to be done, you know, I don’t know if I should go home right now.”

“You should go home,” Jihoon tells him, voice strangely gentle. “You’ve been working really hard, lately. Go get some rest.”

He’s clearly concerned about Soonyoung’s wellbeing, because he’s a good friend, and it makes Soonyoung feel so, so soft. Still, going home would mean walking with Jihoon for a good fifteen to twenty minutes, and Soonyoung doesn’t know how he’s going to survive that, so he just shrugs, hoping Jihoon will just drop it and go home on his own.

Unfortunately, Jihoon does neither. “C’mon, let’s go home. You can’t think straight when you’re tired.”

“Sure I can,” Soonyoung argues. He knows Jihoon knows he’s right. They’ve all run on fumes before, most of all him and Jihoon.

This makes Jihoon’s lip twitch a little. “Idiot,” he says fondly, like he’s making a joke he expects Soonyoung to get. “I’m not saying you can’t think, I’m saying your sleep-deprived brain can’t think like your regular brain.”

“I’m not tired,” Soonyoung protests, and suddenly remembers having almost exactly this conversation through Jihoon’s studio door, all those weeks ago, when he was trying to get Jihoon to stop working during his heat. ‘ _I’m not in heat yet_ ,’ Jihoon had said, which was just as much of a lie as Soonyoung’s just told.

And then Soonyoung remembers what he said in reply, and promptly feels his face flush.

Jihoon remembers, too, if his deep blush and sudden inability to meet Soonyoung’s eyes are anything to go by. He clears his throat awkwardly. “Anyway, just– don’t be stupid, okay? I’ll walk you home and everything.”

Soonyoung’s traitorous little heart skips a beat, warmth blooming in his chest. He squashes the feeling immediately. “I just– I still think I should– stay.”

Jihoon’s expression settles into a pout. An honest-to-goodness pout, Soonyoung is going to die. “I didn’t want to pull this card,” he says with a disgruntled sigh, “but if it gets you to stop working…”

Soonyoung frowns. He doesn’t like where this is going.

“The managers only told the omegas because they didn’t want you guys to get all weird and protective,” Jihoon begins, and Soonyoung _really_ doesn’t like where this is going, “but a couple of omegas were mugged in this area last week.”

“ _What_?” Soonyoung is absolutely appalled that the company would keep this from them. Of course they’d be protective! “And you– you’ve been walking home _alone_? At _three in the morning_?!”

Jihoon bristles. “I can take care of myself, you know,” he says sharply, then visibly reins himself in. “Anyway, are you going to walk home with me now or not?”

Soonyoung freezes. On one hand, walking home with Jihoon, all alone, through quiet streets, under the stars, is not at all going to help his get-over-Jihoon plan. On the other, what if that mugger’s still out there? Jihoon’s a fierce bastard, but if the mugger’s an alpha he’ll barely get a blow in before he’s forced to submit. Not that Soonyoung has the physical strength to fight off an aggravated alpha, but at least he isn’t affected by alpha commands.

Soonyoung sighs. “Fine,” he grumbles. “Let’s go.”

Jihoon smiles, that fake-innocent smug little smile that makes Soonyoung both want to punch him and kiss the damn thing off. “Let’s go,” he agrees, and they go.

\---

Soonyoung spends the first bit of the journey fuming. He’s still mad that their managers _and_ the omegas of the group all decided to keep this mugger business a secret from the rest of the group.

“Stop making that face,” Jihoon scoffs, about five minutes in. “The police already caught the guy. The company just wanted to let us know.”

Well, that makes it less infuriating, but Soonyoung still isn’t happy. “Why wouldn’t you tell _us_?” he wants to know. “What if they got the wrong guy? What if he wasn’t alone? I swear to god, Jihoon, you are _not_ walking home alone again–”

Jihoon huffs. “This is exactly why we didn’t want to tell any of you,” he grumbles. “I get that we’re omegas, we’re susceptible to alpha commands and we’re physically weaker, whatever, that doesn’t mean we’re fragile little flowers that all of you need to protect all the time. We take self-defense classes. We carry pepper spray and pocket knives and rape whistles. We can, in fact, resist alpha commands long enough to get away. We don’t need you guys breathing down our necks all the damn time!”

Soonyoung can’t believe this. “We only do that because we’re worried!”

“Just because we’re omegas–”

“I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re an omega or not!” Soonyoung bursts out, loud enough that a nearby cat leaps off a trash can and into the darkness. He takes a deep breath, wrestling his temper into submission. “That’s not what this is about, Jihoon. This is about somebody I care about– that’s fucking _you_ , by the way, in case you had any doubt– not telling me about potential danger they could be in, and instead _walking into that danger_ literally every night for the past god knows how long!”

Jihoon’s still looking defiant, so Soonyoung adds, “Put yourself in my shoes, okay? If there was a criminal out on the streets fucking up betas, and I just walked home on my own at 3am– would you be okay with that?”

That makes Jihoon deflate a little. “I guess not,” he admits begrudgingly, though his glare doesn’t subside. “But you have to admit, you’re being overprotective. The police have literally caught him, they’ve released a statement that they’ve caught him, there haven’t been any attacks since he was arrested. I’m not in any more danger than I ever was before we heard about the mugger.” His eyes glint dangerously. “And if you say I’m _always_ in danger…”

Jihoon trails off, but his threat is clear. Soonyoung still doesn’t think it’s a great idea for him to be walking home alone in the middle of the night, but Jihoon does have a point.

“Alright, okay,” Soonyoung concedes. “I’m sorry. You’re right, you’re not helpless. Hell, you’re probably better at defending yourself than me. I know it’s irrational.” He heaves a deep sigh. “Even so, I just– I can’t help but worry.”

There’s a strange expression on Jihoon’s face that Soonyoung can’t read. “Does that have anything to do with why you’ve been trying to feed me and make sure I’m sleeping and just generally take care of me?” he asks.

Fuck. Shit. “That’s not–”

There’s a dark look on Jihoon’s face. “It’s fine, I get it, you don’t mean it, it’s– biology, or societal gender roles, or whatever, making you want to care for an _omega_ –”

Jesus fucking Christ. “Jihoon,” Soonyoung has to interrupt firmly, making sure he’s looking Jihoon in the face. “It’s not because you’re an omega, it’s because you’re _you_.”

Jihoon stills. “…What?”

“You’re stupid, and you forget to eat, and you think you can do everything by yourself,” Soonyoung tells him fiercely, “but I like you anyway, and I take care of you because you won’t do it yourself.”

Jihoon’s lips part in a little gasp. He’s– just staring at Soonyoung, face flushed pink, and all Soonyoung can do is stare back. It’s like they’re under some spell, standing there in the middle of the street, just looking at each other in silence.

Soonyoung is the first to look away. “Um,” he says, voice quiet but hoarse, “let’s get going.”

“Yeah,” breathes Jihoon, and they keep going.

They don’t say anything for the rest of the way back. Soonyoung lets the silence sit between them uncomfortably, mentally berating himself. Now that he’s actually thinking about what he said, it was basically a confession back there. All Soonyoung can hope for is that Jihoon hasn’t picked up on it, that he thinks Soonyoung meant a platonic like. Given that Jihoon hasn’t said a word and looks like he’s thinking very hard (probably finding the best way to let Soonyoung down easy), Soonyoung doesn’t think that’s the case.

By the time they reach the dorm, Soonyoung’s made up his mind. It’s not something he wants to do, but he has to. There’s no other choice.

“Jihoon–”

“Soonyoung, I–” Jihoon says at the same time, and they both pause to smile awkwardly at each other. “You go first,” Jihoon urges, nodding at him.

Soonyoung takes a deep breath. He can do this.

“I think–” he swallows, eyes squeezed shut, “I think we should stop hanging out.”

Silence. Absolute, shocked silence. Soonyoung can’t bring himself to look at Jihoon, can’t afford to be swayed right now. This is for the best.

“It’s not anything you’ve done,” Soonyoung powers through, gritting his teeth in the hopes that Jihoon can’t see the way Soonyoung’s heart is shattering with every word. “It’s nothing to do with you. It’s just– I’m– I’m going through some stuff right now. I still want to be friends, of course, I just– I need some space right now. Temporarily.” He bows a full right-angle bow. “I’m sorry, Jihoon.”

Jihoon doesn’t say anything for a long, painful moment. Soonyoung, concerned, can’t help but look up, but the second he does, Jihoon turns on his heel and stalks into the dorm without a word.

Soonyoung takes a long, deep breath, ignoring how shaky it is and how empty he feels inside. The tiny glimpse he’d gotten of Jihoon’s face before he turned away was heartbreaking, but he has to follow through with this anyway. The faster he gets over Jihoon, the faster they can go back to being friends.

This is for the best.

\---

Soonyoung’s in the middle of choreographing when Wonwoo storms into the practice room. “Kwon Soonyoung,” he nearly growls, slamming the door behind him and pulling down all the blinds.

Soonyoung straightens, wiping sweat off his face with his forearm. “Jeon Wonwoo,” he replies, trying to play it cool. There’s only one thing this could be about.

Wonwoo looks furious. “What the fuck did you do?” he demands. “Jihoon locked himself in the heat room last night and won’t come out!”

Soonyoung swallows, looking away. This is for the best. “What makes you think I had anything to do with it?”

“Stop fucking around,” Wonwoo snarls, getting up in his face. “We’re all done with your bullshit. What did you say to Jihoon?”

Soonyoung steps away, heart aching. “The truth,” he says, brokenly. “That I need time.”

Wonwoo makes an impatient noise. “Time for _what_?” he wants to know. “Use your big boy words, Soonyoung.”

“You were right, Wonwoo.” Soonyoung feels despair well up in his chest. “I… I like him. A lot.”

Wonwoo– doesn’t seem as troubled by this as Soonyoung is. In fact, he– he looks _relieved_. “Uh, that’s great,” he says, a little hesitant now. “So, like, what, did he– did you confess?”

Soonyoung can’t believe him. “No! How could I– no, of course I didn’t confess!” he cries, incredulous. "Wonwoo, don’t you get it? Me and Jihoon, we can’t ever be together. First of all, there’s no way he’d– ever like me back–”

“What are you talking about?!” Wonwoo bursts out in disbelief. “Are you literally blind, he’s just confused because you’ve been sending him mixed signals for fucking _weeks_ –”

“And second of all,” Soonyoung interrupts stubbornly, “even if he somehow magically could learn to like me at some point, I– I’m not…” He trails off into a sigh, shaking his head. “He deserves better,” he says lowly, eyes on the ground. “He deserves an alpha who– who can take care of him properly, who can complete him. Not– not some stupid, worthless _beta_ like me.”

Silence. Soonyoung can feel Wonwoo’s eyes on him, but can’t bring himself to look back, can’t watch pity spread over his best friend’s face.

“You know,” Wonwoo says after what feels like an eternity, his tone deceptively light, “I’m a beta too. Are you saying I’m _stupid_ and _worthless_?”

Soonyoung’s gaze flicks up to meet Wonwoo’s with horror, jaw slack. “No, _no_ , of course not, I didn’t mean–”

“So it’s not all betas that are stupid and worthless, it’s just you?” Wonwoo challenges, fire in his eyes. “Why? What makes you so special from the rest of us?”

“It’s not– he’s an _omega_ , Wonwoo,” Soonyoung is almost pleading, begging him to understand. “Omegas have _alphas_ , not–”

“Omegas,” Wonwoo interrupts firmly, “are _people_. Jihoon is a _person_. He has the right to decide who he wants to be with, even if it’s a _stupid, worthless beta_ _like you_. That’s his _choice_ , and right now you’re taking that choice away from him because _you_ think he needs an alpha.”

“That’s not–”

“It’s _his_ choice, Soonyoung. Not yours.” Wonwoo’s gaze is firm, unrelenting. “And if you can’t understand that, then I guess you’re right. He does deserve better.”

Soonyoung falls silent. Wonwoo gives him one last long look, then stalks out of the room and slams the door behind him.

Soonyoung punches the wall so hard his knuckles bleed.

\---

Soonyoung can’t bring himself to go home to the dorm that night. He eats only the energy bars Minghao practically forces down his throat, drinks only the coffee and water from the vending machines. He doesn’t leave the practice room, where the faint pink mark on the wall where his blood hadn’t been wiped off hastily enough not to stain taunts him. He doesn’t sleep at all.

By the time group practice rolls around, Soonyoung feels light-headed, numb, his movements mechanical, barely even hearing the other members come into the room.

“Hyung,” Seungkwan says, voice tiny and worried. “Have you been here all night?”

Soonyoung doesn’t respond. His arms ache and tremble, but he practices the same sharp move he’s been rehearsing for the past few hours.

“Tell me you got some sleep at least,” Mingyu adds, wringing his hands with concern. Soonyoung ignores him too.

“Leave him alone,” Wonwoo says, voice cold. “His head’s too far up his own ass for him to hear you.”

That just makes the tension in the room amp up even more. Soonyoung and Wonwoo tease each other constantly, but it’s never done maliciously, never meant to hurt.

“Wonwoo–” Jun starts to say, frowning, but Soonyoung suddenly straightens and heads for the door. They’re still waiting on a few members– including Jihoon, Soonyoung notes, if he’s coming at all– so he has time to get away from the suffocating presence of his too-concerned members.

Soonyoung means to hole up in one of the tiny singing practice rooms, to give himself some time to prepare himself mentally to withstand Wonwoo’s disapproving stares and Jihoon’s presence for the next couple of hours, but the first room he happens to look into immediately stops in his tracks. There, crowded together on the piano bench, are Jihoon and Seungcheol, tangled together in a tight embrace. Jihoon’s face is buried in the juncture between Seungcheol’s neck and shoulder; Seungcheol has one hand carding gently through Jihoon’s hair and the other massaging the scent glands on Jihoon’s neck. The rooms are soundproofed, so Soonyoung can’t hear a word of what they’re saying, but watching them scent is enough to make Soonyoung recoil, stomach churning. This is it, this is– this is what was meant to happen all along. Alpha-and-omega, two halves of a whole. Made for each other.

Soonyoung steps away from the little window, heart racing and head reeling. He expected this, he saw this coming a mile away, but watching it happen with his own two eyes still feels like being hit by a truck.

His body moves of its own accord, takes him into the bathroom, makes him splash water on his face. The water is icy cold, but Soonyoung can barely feel it. He feels– hollow. Numb.

He doesn’t remember moving, but somehow he finds himself back in the practice room. The others watch him come back in, all conversation halting, but he doesn’t notice, moving to the front of the room with slow, mechanical steps.

Even Wonwoo looks concerned. “Soonyoung,” he says lowly, coming close to take Soonyoung’s arm. “What’s wrong?”

Soonyoung shakes him off. “Alright everyone,” he calls to the group at large, facing the mirror. “Let’s run through the chorus of the title track.”

“Soonyoung–”

“That’s not your starting position, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo’s lips press together in a thin line, but he listens, leaving Soonyoung alone. Soonyoung takes a deep breath, scans the group quickly to make sure they’re in position, ignores the pang of his heart when his gaze skims over Jihoon.

Soonyoung clears his throat. “5, 6, 7, and–”

As one, they spring into action. Even in this unbearable atmosphere, their movements are sharp, and Soonyoung lets his mind fall into working mode, picking out mistakes and inconsistencies almost automatically. Maybe, he thinks, he can get through this practice without throwing up.

Of course, this is the moment he loses his footing while landing a jump. His legs give out, his hip and elbow and head slam into the floor– there’s shouting– yelling– hands reaching for him–

Everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not dead woohoo!! also i'm so sorry for kwon soonyoung he's a dumb and he needs. he needs help
> 
> thanks very much for reading! please leave a comment down below or on my tumblr @mysterywoozi, i love hearing from you guys <333
> 
> not long to go now! just one or maybe two more chapters left!! soon we shall be free from the frustration that is ksy's self-created angst!!!


	5. Chapter 5

When Soonyoung wakes up, he’s in his bed back in the dorm. He feels like he’s slept for years but he’s still exhausted. He sits up and tries to swing himself out of bed– but a sharp pain jolts through his ankle the moment he moves it, making him swear.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” says a familiar voice, and Soonyoung whips around to see Jihoon walking in, carrying a glass of water. He closes the door behind him. “You sprained it. When you fainted.”

Soonyoung watches cautiously as Jihoon comes over to him. Jihoon’s expression is unnervingly neutral. He’s gentle when he offers Soonyoung the glass of water, silent as Soonyoung gratefully accepts and gulps down the entire glass at once.

“Better?” Jihoon asks quietly, taking the glass away and setting it on the bedside table. “Need anything else?”

Soonyoung shakes his head. Jihoon nods back, closing his eyes. He takes a deep breath.

“What,” Jihoon says, tone hard and dangerous, “were you thinking?” His eyes snap open to glare at Soonyoung. “You keep telling me over and over to get some rest, to not work too hard, but then you turn around and push yourself so hard you collapse in the middle of practice?”

Soonyoung swallows, looking away. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “It was stupid, I know.”

“Then why did you do it?” Jihoon demands. “Do you know how worried we were, when you fell and wouldn’t wake up? Do you know how terrifying that is?”

His voice is shaking. _He’s_ shaking, Soonyoung realises, and it makes guilt flood through his chest. “I’m sorry,” is all he can stammer out. “I’m so sorry, I never meant–”

“Shut up,” Jihoon snaps, glaring. “I’m not done yelling at you, asshole. You can’t just hole up in the practice room for two days straight. You can’t just _forget_ to eat or sleep properly. And you especially can’t do all of that and then try to lead dance practice like nothing’s wrong! You sprained your ankle this time, but what if you landed just a little differently? You could have broken something, put yourself out of commission for months, maybe even _forever_! Did you think about that? Your entire career, gone, just like that. Everything you– _we_ – worked for, all up in smoke, for _what_?”

Jihoon’s breathing hard now, eyes bright and face flushed with fury. His hands are clenched into fists at his side, almost shaking with how mad he is. All Soonyoung wants is to reach out and comfort him, but he– he just _can’t_.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, like a broken record. He can’t bear to look Jihoon in the eye.

Jihoon makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “Just tell me,” he says, voice raw and hurt, “was it because of me?”

That makes Soonyoung jolt up to stare at him. “What?”

“What you said, that night, about– about needing space,” Jihoon snaps, as if Soonyoung could forget. “Is that why you did all this? Because you couldn’t bear to, what, eat at the same time as me? Sleep in the same fucking dorm?” He swallows hard, shaking. “Do you– do you hate me that much?”

“ _No_ ,” Soonyoung breathes, horrified. “No, no, Jihoon, that’s not– I could never–”

“Then why have you been avoiding me?” Jihoon demands. “And don’t try to say you haven’t, you’ve been doing it for weeks now, literally everyone’s noticed.”

Fuck. Soonyoung shakes his head, staring down at his lap because he can’t bear to look at Jihoon.

“Just tell me the _truth_ , Soonyoung,” Jihoon’s pleading now, voice shaking. “Please. I– I can handle it.”

Soonyoung just shakes his head again, remaining silent. He can’t. He just _can’t_.

Jihoon huffs out a frustrated breath. “Fine,” he snaps. “Don’t tell me. I don’t know why I expected anything different from you.” He takes the empty glass from the bedside table, already shut into that unreadable calm from when he first walked in. “Mingyu’s making you food, he’ll bring it in later.” He turns on his heel, ready to leave– then pauses. His voice, when he speaks again, is quiet. “I’ll– I’ll give you space, so stop being a reckless asshole and take care of yourself.”

Soonyoung’s heart drops as Jihoon walks away. Here he is, being a huge douchebag, and Jihoon– Jihoon’s asking him to take care of himself, saying he’ll stay away like Soonyoung asked without asking _why_. It makes Soonyoung’s heart ache and yearn all the more, and before he knows it he’s blurted out, “Wait.”

Jihoon stops. He turns around with crossed arms, saying, flatly, “What?”

Soonyoung panics. He didn’t think, didn’t even mean to say anything, it just– came out. Part of him thinks about confessing, right there and then, about coming clean about everything–

“You and Seungcheol-hyung,” Soonyoung hears himself say instead.

Jihoon is obviously taken aback. “What?” he says, confused. “What about us?”

Soonyoung swallows. “I saw you guys– scenting, earlier, in the vocal practice room,” his mouth just blabs, without his brain’s consent. “Are you– is there– anything–?”

Jihoon stares at him incredulously. “You want to talk about this _now_?” he wants to know, scoffing like he can’t believe Soonyoung. “If you were hoping I’d moved on, you’re out of luck. My heart isn’t that fickle. Seungcheol-hyung and I are close friends and teammates, nothing else. And I’ve made sure he knows that, because unlike you, I don’t enjoy leading people on.” He fixes Soonyoung with a poisonous glare, then continues towards the door.

“Wait,” Soonyoung’s gasping. His brain hasn’t even properly processed what Jihoon said, but he knows, somehow, that if he lets Jihoon walk out that door, he’ll have lost him. He can’t even think right now, doesn’t have the time to, but if there’s one thing he knows for sure, one thing he can feel with every fibre of his being, it’s that he can’t lose Jihoon. Not now, not like this. “Wait, Jihoon, please–”

Jihoon ignores him, hand already on the doorknob. Without thinking, Soonyoung throws off his blankets to get up and stop him– only for a jolt of pain to shoot up his leg as he stands up. He still manages to make a couple steps before his ankle gives way and he falls to the ground with a cry of pain.

Jihoon is at his side in an instant. “Jesus fucking Christ!” he swears. “You’re so fucking stupid, I _told_ you you sprained your fucking ankle, why did you try to walk, you complete and absolute shithead!”

Despite his harsh words, Jihoon’s touch is gentle as he helps Soonyoung sit up against the bedframe so that his good leg is straight and the other curled loosely in front of him, so his ankle is as relaxed as possible. “Can you stand?” Jihoon asks, worried. “Wait, I’ll go get someone to carry you back into bed–”

He starts to stand up, but Soonyoung grabs Jihoon’s wrist. “Jihoon, wait,” he says, looking Jihoon straight in the eye. He doesn’t think, just lets his heart guide his mouth when he says, “I like you.”

Jihoon’s breath catches. “What?” he whispers, staring at Soonyoung with wide eyes.

“I like you,” Soonyoung repeats firmly. “I like you, and I want to date you. I know this might come as a shock, but–”

“A shock?” Jihoon repeats with a slightly hysterical laugh. He shakes Soonyoung’s hand off and starts pacing the room instead. “A _shock_? Of course it’s a shock, Soonyoung, you were literally rejecting me two days ago, and now you’re saying you _like_ me? Forgive me for being confused here, but _what the actual fuck_?”

Wait, what? “ _Reject_ – when did I ever–”

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit!” Jihoon barks. “I was standing there, ready to bare my heart to you, and you gave me the fucking “ _it’s not you it’s me_ ” and “ _I still want to be friends_ ” speech, what was I supposed to think?”

“What? No, Jihoon, that’s not what I–”

“You can’t keep doing this, Soonyoung!” Oh god, oh god, Jihoon’s voice is so thick and there are– actual _tears_ welling up in his eyes. “You can’t keep– keep making me think I have a chance and then– rip it away from me!”

Soonyoung’s heart is breaking. “Jihoon, please, slow down, what are you talking about–”

“Don’t fucking give me that, there’s no way you don’t know what I’m talking about!” Jihoon explodes, turning a poisonous glare on Soonyoung. “I’m talking about _you_ , two nights ago, going out of your mind because you were so worried about me!”

Soonyoung wants to protest, but–

 

_“What? And you– you’ve been walking home alone? At three in the morning?!”_

_\--_

_“Why wouldn’t you tell us? What if they got the wrong guy? What if he wasn’t alone? I swear to god, Jihoon, you are not walking home alone again–”_

_\--_

_“Alright, okay, I’m sorry. You’re right, you’re not helpless. Hell, you’re probably better at defending yourself than me. I know it’s irrational. Even so, I just– I can’t help but worry.”_

–he knows Jihoon’s right.

Jihoon still has more to say. “You, telling me you care about me,” he continues angrily, “for _me_ , not because I’m an omega!”

 

_“Jihoon,” Soonyoung has to interrupt firmly, making sure he’s looking Jihoon in the face. “It’s not because you’re an omega, it’s because you’re you.”_

“You, saying that you– that you fucking _like me_!”

_“You’re stupid, and you forget to eat, and you think you can do everything by yourself,” Soonyoung tells him fiercely, “but I like you anyway, and I take care of you because you won’t do it yourself.”_

 

Jihoon is shaking. “And then– and then you tell me–”

 

_“I think–” Soonyoung swallows, eyes squeezed shut, “I think we should stop hanging out. It’s nothing to do with you. It’s just– I’m– I’m going through some stuff right now. I still want to be friends, of course, I just– I need some space right now. Temporarily.” He bows a full right-angle bow. “I’m sorry, Jihoon.”_

Shit. Soonyoung’s such a fucking idiot. Jihoon’s crying now, actually crying, big fat tears rolling down his face that he scrubs away furiously with the heel of his hand, but he’s nowhere near finished.

“I’m talking about last week, when the manager hyungs treated us to meat, when you spent the whole night flirting with me and feeding me lettuce wraps _by fucking hand_! What was I supposed to think, Soonyoung?”

 

_Soonyoung gets swept up in it, smiles back, shoves absurdly large lettuce wraps into his mouth to make Jihoon laugh. He gives in to the urge to feed Jihoon more appropriately sized wraps, lets his fingers linger just a smidge when they brush against Jihoon’s lips, deludes himself into thinking that Jihoon’s face is flushed with delight when it’s just the heat of the grill._

“I thought– I was so _ecstatic_ , you don’t even know, because I– I thought you– liked me back–”

 

_Alpha, Jihoon’s voice rings in Soonyoung’s mind. An alpha is right there, next to him, giving him food and bickering with him in that familiar way only old friends have. Jihoon doesn’t need a beta, doesn’t need Soonyoung, not when he has Seungcheol._

_And Soonyoung… would just be in the way._

“But then, when I tried to make a move, you just– blew me off!”

 

_“It was nice to, um, catch up with you, tonight. It feels like– like we haven’t been talking very much lately, even though we, uh, live together and practice together and all that. We should, um, do this more often, maybe.”_

_“I’m pretty busy with work, though.”_

_“Oh,” Jihoon says, voice soft. “Right, of course. Yeah, I’m pretty busy too. Maybe– Maybe after the album’s done?”_

_“Maybe,” Soonyoung says. He plasters a smile on his face. “Well, see you later.”_

_Jihoon looks– lost, confused, disappointed. “Yeah,” he says, voice tiny. “Don’t– work too hard, okay?”_

“And it’s not like that was the first time, either!” Jihoon is sobbing, chest heaving and fists clenched and eyes red and swollen. “You keep fucking _doing_ this! You call me Most Dateable on a live broadcast, then push me away!”

 

_“W-Wait,” Jihoon interrupts, stopping him in his tracks. “Um. Will you come to dinner, tonight? With everyone?”_

_With me, Soonyoung’s stupid heart wants to hear._

_“I don’t know,” he hears himself say. “Maybe.”_

_He heads out the door and straight for the practice room. He thinks he sees Jihoon’s face fall with disappointment as he goes._

“You ask me to dinner, then you show up with fucking Wonwoo and Seokmin!” Jihoon swipes at his running nose furiously. “I put on my emergency idol outfit and wore fucking _lip_ _tint_ for you– I even dug out that tiny fucking cologne sampler Minghao gave everyone, like even I was surprised with myself, since when have I ever given a shit about cologne?”

 

_Jihoon looks up. He’s looking a little more idol-like than he normally bothers to when he’s just working all day, with his soft blue jumper and round glasses that are far too big for his face and– is he wearing a lip tint?_

_\--_

_“Oh,” Jihoon says, sounding surprised. His eyes flick between Seokmin and Soonyoung. “I, uh. I didn’t realise you were, um, coming.”_

_\--_

_“You look nice today,” Wonwoo is saying to Jihoon, his stupid smug grin still in place. “Are you wearing cologne?”_

“And, okay, fine, maybe that one was on me, maybe I assumed– but can you blame me? There’s _something_ here, Soonyoung, there has been for _years_ , and don’t try to say you didn’t know, because everyone’s felt it, ask any of the members. We’ve been dancing around this– _us_ – for so long, because we’ve both been such fucking cowards. But then– but then–” Jihoon’s voice cracks. “But then heat week came around, and you– you brought me all that stuff even though you could’ve asked a manager or even one of the other omegas to do it. You said you could _bring more tomorrow_ –”

 

_“You think that’s enough food and water? I can bring more tomorrow.”_

“–as if you hadn’t just stuffed that bag with more food and water than anyone could possibly consume in one week.

And if it’d just been that, fine, whatever, maybe you were just trying to be a good friend– but then you told me to– to _text you if I needed anything_ –”

 

_“Text me if you need anything, yeah?”_

“–which, I don’t know how familiar you are with omegas in heat, but I can assure you, there’s only one thing we need, and it’s not something you offer to someone you want to be _just friends_ with. Not when we have years of _this_ between us.”

Jihoon chokes on a sob. “I thought– I thought you were telling me you didn’t want to be a fucking coward anymore. And I was– terrified. But I couldn’t just let you walk away for a week, not after that, so I–”

 

_“This is kind of weird, but, uh. Will you, maybe. Stay?”_

“And you stayed,” Jihoon almost whispers. “You _stayed_. You scolded me for trying to work. You told me stories and stupid jokes. You stayed, all the way until I went under– you even left a token.”

A token? Those were usually items of clothing, given to omegas by their partners early in the relationship, when it’s too soon to spend a heat together. The scent of a partner is supposed to, ah, help and soothe an omega in heat. Soonyoung would never have left anything of the sort–

 

_“Oh, yeah, um.” Jihoon looks embarrassed. “You, uh, left your hoodie behind, the other day. It smelled like– well– so I put it in the wash.”_

Wait.

“But then, after heat week, you were acting like– like nothing happened!”

 

_“What kind of friend would I be if I just let you suffer?”_

_That wide-eyed surprise on Jihoon’s face slips off instantly, replaced by– something Soonyoung’s hopeful, delusional brain interprets as disappointment, but is probably relief. “Oh,” he says softly. “Right. Well, thanks anyway.”_

_\--_

_“Hoodie?” It takes Soonyoung a moment, but eventually he recalls the green hoodie he was using as a pillow against the wall. He hadn’t even noticed he’d deserted it in his haste to leave Jihoon to his heat. “Ah, right. Thanks.”_

“And I thought– I thought it was just me, just my stupid heat brain making me see things that weren’t there, but then you– you kept– doing the same thing, kept blowing hot and cold at me, kept making me think maybe– maybe you– felt the same way– and then just– just shutting me out–” 

Jihoon cuts himself off with a sob that he tries to muffle with his hands, but it still makes Soonyoung’s heart twist painfully in his chest. “Is this– some kind of a joke to you?” he asks, sounding– broken, rather than angry. “Do you think it’s _funny_ , watching me like this? Building me up just to tear me down again?”

Soonyoung can’t hold it in anymore. “No, Jihoon, I swear,” he gasps, desperate, “I– I never meant–”

“Then why? _Why_ , Soonyoung? Why do you keep doing this to me?” Jihoon’s voice cracks with despair. “Why do you keep breaking my heart?”

It’s like that’s the last thing holding Jihoon together. He falls to his knees like he’s lost the strength to stand, muffling a sob with one hand, the other clenched into a fist against the ground. His shoulders are shaking, eyes squeezed shut, and he looks– he looks so miserable, so hurt. Like he’s suffering.

Soonyoung moves without thinking. There’s a stab of pain in his ankle as he moves that makes him grit his teeth, but he manages to bundle Jihoon into his arms, burying Jihoon’s sobs in his shoulder. One hand wraps securely around Jihoon’s torso; the other cards softly through Jihoon’s hair. His ankle is complaining, but he shifts his weight onto his good knee, and the pain dulls to a soft hum. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he’s whispering to Jihoon, over and over, holding him tight. He doesn’t ever want to see Jihoon like this ever again.

“Let me go,” Jihoon sobs, but his fingers are clenched tightly in the front of Sonyoung’s shirt.

“You first,” Soonyoung tells him, stroking the nape of his neck gently. “God, Jihoon, I’m so sorry, I’ve been such a huge fucking douchebag, I never meant to hurt you like this, I’m so sorry, please don’t cry.”

“You’re so– _stupid_ ,” Jihoon wails into his shoulder, pounding hard enough on Soonyoung’s chest that he is definitely going to bruise.

“I know, I know, I’m a huge asshole, I’m the stupidest person alive,” Soonyoung agrees, getting choked up himself. He really is the absolute worst. God, he’s been blind, he’s been wrong about Jihoon’s feelings this whole time. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry– _ah, fuck_ –!”

Jihoon had accidentally jostled his ankle. “Oh shit!” Jihoon gasps, immediately scrambling away, careful not to jostle him again. “Oh shit, fuck, why did you move when your ankle’s all fucked up, you complete moron, oh my god, I’m going to kill you,” he rambles, gently easing Soonyoung back into his previous sitting position. “Why would you do that, oh my god–”

“You were crying, I couldn’t just sit there and watch,” Soonyoung blurts out, because it’s the truth. Jihoon looks stunned, but then opens his mouth to argue, so Soonyoung quickly barrels on, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, you’d probably prefer, like, Seungcheol-hyung to be comforting you–”

Jihoon makes an aggravated, wounded noise. “What does Seungcheol-hyung have to do with anything?” he cries, frustrated.

“I just– well, he’s an _alpha_ –”

“So _what_?” Jihoon nearly shrieks. “Is that what this is about? I already told you, we’re just friends! What, because I’m an omega, you think I can’t help myself? That my first choice is always going to be _big, strong alpha_ –”

“Well, what am I supposed to think?” Soonyoung snaps back, sensitive. “That’s the trope, isn’t it, alpha-and-omega, two halves of one whole–”

“I don’t give a fuck about tropes,” Jihoon cuts him off sharply. “You know that, Soonyoung, so why–”

“It’s a trope for a reason!” Soonyoung bursts out. Jihoon falls silent, so Soonyoung continues, bitterly, “I mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it? Alphas are literally made to be perfect for you, so why– how could you like _me_? I’m just a _beta_. That means– no picking up on your mood through scent, no proper claiming bite, no superhuman stamina to keep up with your heats. No knot, for that matter. Not to mention, I’ve already been such a huge fucking asshole to you.” Soonyoung takes a deep breath. “I know– I know you said you liked me,” he says, shaky, “but I– I don’t understand _why_.”

Jihoon still hasn’t said anything. When Soonyoung looks over, he’s staring at him with the most incredulous look on his face.

“…What?”

Jihoon punches him in the shoulder. Hard.

“Ow!”

“You,” Jihoon says firmly, “are the biggest idiot in the world.”

“Wh–”

“How could I _not_ like you?”

That makes Soonyoung still. Jihoon huffs, shoving Soonyoung in the shoulder a little more gently. His voice, when he speaks, is soft. “Remember during heat week, when you brought me all that stuff? I opened the door without realising just how– _in heat_ I was, not to mention how I was barely wearing any clothes; but you looked me in the eye, and not at the rest of me. You backed away and asked me to close the door when my pheromones got too much. You stayed, sat right outside my door for an hour, just because I asked you to, and don’t even try to say the scent wasn’t affecting you, because you literally told me you popped a boner–”

“I thought we agreed to forget that happened–”

“The point is,” Jihoon interrupts firmly, “do you think any alpha could have done that?”

That stuns Soonyoung into silence. “Well,” he says after a moment, picking at some fluff on his sleeve, “I’m sure it’s easier for me, I don’t have any biological imperative to respond to you.”

“No, you don’t. Biologically speaking, you shouldn’t want to have anything to do with me,” Jihoon agrees. “But you still spent a whole evening shoving stupidly huge lettuce wraps in your mouth, just to make me laugh. You still take care of me better than you take care of yourself. You still like me, not because I’m an omega, but because I’m _me_.” Jihoon’s voice is so warm and so soft as he says, almost shyly, “Alpha or not, how could I not like you?”

Soonyoung… is speechless. All he can do is stare at Jihoon, at this beautiful boy who– who _likes_ him.

“But,” Soonyoung stammers, bewildered, “I heard you. Right at the beginning of your heat. You were calling for an alpha. That’s why I thought– I thought–”

 “I was _in_ _heat_ , Soonyoung,” Jihoon interrupts, evidently baffled. “It’s not like I knew what I was saying. My heat brain doesn’t think like my regular brain, you’re the one who said that to me.”

“Yeah, but what if it’s not just your heat brain?” Soonyoung argues. “What if– what if it’s something you really want? Just because you said it in heat doesn’t mean it isn’t true. We all know how much you hate conforming to stereotypes, Jihoon, what if this is just– you refusing to admit you want an alpha?”

“Are you saying,” Jihoon begins, incredulously, “that I’ve spent the last five years convinced that I like you, but I’m really lying to myself because I’m repressing my burning desire to be with an alpha, and you know this because of something I said, once, while I was in heat?”

“Well, when you put it like that it sounds ridiculous,” Soonyoung mumbles.

“It was ridiculous from the start, you buffoon,” Jihoon tells him, exasperated. “And anyway, I’ve spotted a fatal flaw in your theory.”

“What?”

Jihoon fidgets for a moment instead of answering, starting to turn red. “I was– calling for you, that day,” he says, not looking at Soonyoung.

Soonyoung feels his jaw go slack. “What– what was that?” he chokes out, certain he’s misheard.

“You heard me,” Jihoon snaps back, embarrassed, glaring fiercely. The effect is somewhat diminished by his deep flush. “Look, you can’t shove everything I could possibly need for a heat into my arms and then expect me not to react, okay? My stupid heat brain thought you were my alpha. Or trying to be.”

Soonyoung doesn’t say anything. He can’t. It’s like he’s frozen in place. _I was calling for you_ , he hears Jihoon’s voice saying. _I was calling for you_.

“I know, it’s really sexist to assume that anyone trying to provide for me has to be an alpha,” Jihoon is saying, oblivious to how mindblown Soonyoung feels right now, “but cultural conditioning is a difficult habit to break, and really what I meant by it was–”

“I’m an idiot,” Soonyoung hears himself say hoarsely.

Jihoon blinks, stunned– but then huffs a little laugh, that sudden bark he gets when it’s startled out of him. The sound makes Soonyoung’s heart flood with warmth, a feeling that doesn’t go away even when Jihoon shoves him in the shoulder with his own. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” he says, pretending to be annoyed, but his expression is too soft, his shove too gentle, for it to be real.

Soonyoung wants to touch him. So he does, traces Jihoon’s jawline with his fingers as he cups Jihoon’s face in his hands, smooths his thumbs over Jihoon’s cheekbones so gently, tenderly. Jihoon’s breath catches, but he stays still, eyes fluttering closed when Soonyoung presses their foreheads together.

They sit there for a while, just breathing each other in. It’s like all the tension, the stress, the fear from the past few weeks has just melted away. For all his despair, things were this simple all along.

“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung whispers when they pull away. He takes Jihoon’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. “I was a real jackass to you, these past few weeks, and for a really stupid reason. I never– meant to hurt you, ever, I just– I thought there was no way you could ever like me back, so I thought I should– pull back. Before I made things weird, you know, with my feelings all over the place.”

“It was the pulling back that made it weird,” Jihoon retorts, but there’s no bite to his words.

“I know,” Soonyoung says softly. “I know that now. And I think– I think I knew that earlier, too, but I was just– too much of a coward to admit it. Because I– all that stuff I did, all the moves you thought I made, those were– those weren’t things my brain did. My brain was so caught up in thinking of all the ways we could go wrong that it forgot to consider that we might go right. But– my heart knew. My heart always knew, and my heart has always wanted you, my head’s just been too far up my ass to see it.

I like you, Jihoon. I really, really like you. And– because my brain’s made a huge mess of things so far, I’m following my heart. So– this is me, saying– I’m yours, if you’ll have me.”

Jihoon ducks his head, shy, but it does nothing to hide his smile, tiny and lovely and radiant as the sun. He fiddles with Soonyoung’s fingers, gently feeling his nails and knuckles and his pinky ring, and rests his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder. “Hmm, might as well,” he says lightly. “I suppose I’ll find a use for you somehow.”

Soonyoung laughs. He rests his head on top of Jihoon’s. “You’re supposed to say you’re mine, too,” he says, unable to hide his smile.

“No, I own you now,” Jihoon tells him, and Soonyoung laughs harder, squeezing Jihoon’s hand in his.

It’s still early days, but he thinks they’ll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p r a i s e
> 
> this chapter gave me quite a lot of grief. formatting was one thing, structure was another. the flashbacks were kinda weird at first, idk man, but i'm... reasonably happy with the chapter now. i think this is the most editing i've done on... anything i've written all year. thanks @tinydoodler and @nilsace for helping me figure out what the hell i was doin! <3
> 
> so... yeah! finally, finally, everything comes out. hopefully these two will be better at communicating with each other in the future, haha. isn't it so satisfying, after so much of soonyoung's self-created angst, to see him being yelled at by a small angry gremlin? leave ur fave lines in the comments! mine is the end bit, esp "no i own u now" haha
> 
> you can also just let me know what you thought of this chapter in general in the comments! i'm terrible at replying but i love reading the comments and regularly come back to reread them, ahah. you can also hmu on twitter or tumblr @mysterywoozi!
> 
> there will be one more chapter just to wrap things up, so keep an eye out for that! thank you so very much for reading up until now- i'll do a proper sappy thank you in the last chapter, but i just wanted to say that i really really appreciate all of you for sticking with this silly story for so long, and for being so patient while i ever-so-slowly crank out updates. hope you enjoyed~


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey, heads up, heat week’s just around the corner,” Wonwoo says, as Soonyoung comes into their room. “Seungkwan being clingy is one thing, but even Shua-hyung’s constantly hugging everyone. It’s kinda freaking me out.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Soonyoung says, roughly towelling his hair dry. “Jihoon’s been weird lately.”

“Oh, _has_ he?” Wonwoo looks up from his book just so he can leer at Soonyoung, smug grin firmly on his stupid face. “He been giving you extra _cuddles_ and _smooches_?” He makes the most ridiculous, over-exaggerated kissy-faces at Soonyoung, complete with obnoxious shoulder-wiggling.

Soonyoung throws a pillow at him. “Shut up,” he laughs, watching Wonwoo yelp and fall flailing back onto his bed as the pillow hits him square in the face. “Our cuddles and smooches are none of your business, asshole.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to hear about it,” Wonwoo says, chucking the pillow back at Soonyoung. “But hey, speaking of heat week and your boyfriend, are you guys…?”

He trails off, but there’s only one question he could possibly be asking. Soonyoung feels his face flush. “I thought you didn’t want to hear about it,” he complains, not looking at Wonwoo.

“Oh my god,” says Wonwoo, sounding horrified. “Are you _actually_ –”

“No!” Soonyoung turns away under the pretence of hanging up his towel. “I mean, maybe. I don’t know. We haven’t, like. Talked about it.”

Soonyoung isn’t even looking, but he knows Wonwoo’s giving him a Look. “Well, you better talk about it soon. You’ve got a week at most before he goes into heat.”

“I know.”

“I’m just saying, the last time you refused to talk to him–”

“I _know_.” Soonyoung sighs. He’s been meaning to talk to Jihoon about it for a while now, it’s just… not easy. “I’ll talk to him, I promise.”

Wonwoo still doesn’t look totally convinced, but for once lets Soonyoung off the hook and goes back to his book. “Just don’t fuck it up, or I’ll have to kick your ass.”

Soonyoung snorts. “Jihoon would probably have me murdered before you get the chance.”

As if on cue, the door swings open and Jihoon walks in. He’s obviously just showered himself, wearing his soft plaid pajama pants and one of Soonyoung’s old hoodies, fluffy dark hair dishevelled from being hastily blowdried. “Why am I having you murdered?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Because he’s being an idiot,” Wonwoo quips.

“When is he not being an idiot?” Jihoon teases, and they both laugh.

Soonyoung pouts. “I don’t have to sit here and take this abuse.”

“Oh, don’t be such a drama queen,” Jihoon scoffs, rolling his eyes. “C’mon, sit down, I’ll dry your hair for you.”

“Alright, this is getting way too domestic for me,” Wonwoo says, rolling out of bed with his book under his arm. “I’m out of here.”

“Good riddance!” Soonyoung calls after him as he leaves. Wonwoo flips him the bird as he goes without looking back.

“C’mon,” Jihoon repeats impatiently, already taking out the hairdryer. “I want to go to bed soon.”

“No one’s stopping you, go on,” Soonyoung teases.

“Ha ha.” Jihoon glares, but there’s no heat behind it. He sits down on Soonyoung’s bed, hairdryer at the ready. “Come here.”

Soonyoung grins, tempted to tease more, but obediently goes to sit on the floor between Jihoon’s legs, and Jihoon gets to work. It’s something they both enjoy when they get the chance– the combination of warmth and his boyfriend’s fingers on his scalp always makes Soonyoung feel relaxed and sleepy, and Jihoon always likes an excuse to be affectionate. Tonight is no different; Jihoon’s fingers are gentle, and Soonyoung hums and shuts his eyes within the first minute.

Once Jihoon’s satisfied, they put the dryer away and squeeze into Soonyoung’s narrow bed. Normally, Jihoon prefers to be the big spoon, but lately he’s insisted on being the little spoon instead. Soonyoung chalks it up to his oncoming heat– which reminds him, Jihoon’s going into heat soon and they really should talk about it, but Soonyoung is really warm and comfortable right now, so he pulls Jihoon closer instead.

“You smell nice,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the back of Jihoon’s neck.

“Stole Seungkwan’s shampoo,” Jihoon replies.

“Oh, really?” Soonyoung takes a good whiff of Jihoon’s hair. “That’s not the smell I meant, though?” He noses at Jihoon’s neck, unashamedly sniffing his boyfriend.

Jihoon is not impressed. “What are you, a dog?”

Soonyoung gives Jihoon a sloppy lick in retaliation. “Oh, gross,” Jihoon complains, elbowing Soonyoung in the stomach.

“I think it’s just you,” Soonyoung says, ignoring him. “I don’t know what it is, you just smell extra good today.”

“It’s probably just my heat,” Jihoon says, oblivious to the way it makes Soonyoung freeze. “Speaking of, we should probably, uh, talk about that.”

Soonyoung lets out a tiny squeak. “Do we have to?” he whines, fully aware that he’s being a baby.

Jihoon is predictably unamused. “Uh, yes, we do.” He turns around so they’re facing each other, which is how Soonyoung knows he’s serious. “Why, do you not want to?”

“Not that I don’t want to,” Soonyoung tries.

Jihoon raises an eyebrow at him. It’s obvious he’s not going to budge until Soonyoung talks.

Soonyoung groans. “It’s just– I don’t–” This is going to be awkward no matter what, so he’s just going to do it. “I don’t want to spend your heat with you,” he says quickly. “I– I mean, not that I don’t _want_ to, of course I do, like eventually, but um– I don’t really– want to do it, like, now–”

“Hey.” Jihoon quiets him with a hand on his neck, smoothing his fingers over Soonyoung’s scent glands. “It’s okay,” he says, soft in that way he gets sometimes when it’s just the two of them.

Soonyoung sighs. He fiddles with the strings on Jihoon’s– well, Soonyoung’s, really– hoodie. “I just– I don’t want that to be our first time, you know?”

Jihoon hums, shifting closer and tangling their legs together. “Me too,” he admits quietly. “I’d like to remember it, for one. And anyway, I don’t think I’m, uh, ready. For that.”

“Me neither.” Soonyoung huffs a laugh. “Y’know, most couples our age go all the way, like, on the first date. We’ve been dating two months and still blush thinking about third base. Guess we’re kinda lame, huh?”

Jihoon scowls. “Fuck other couples,” he retorts, poking Soonyoung’s in the tummy where he knows he’s ticklish. “Nothing wrong with taking it slow.”

Soonyoung yelps, squirming away from Jihoon’s prodding. Given how small his bed is, there isn’t much he can do. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I give!” he cries, trying to shove Jihoon’s nimble hands away from his poor vulnerable tummy. “Cultural ideals are stupid and we don’t have to conform!”

Jihoon finally withdraws, triumphant. “Good. Now get back here, I’m getting cold.”

Soonyoung grins. “Yes, my prince,” he croons sweetly, tucking Jihoon’s head under his chin and wrapping all his limbs around his boyfriend.

“You’re smothering me,” Jihoon whines, but barely even pretends to fight before he loops his arms around Soonyoung’s waist. He does nip at Soonyoung’s collarbone, but he licks over the bite to soothe the sting.

“I’m just helping you through your nesting period.”

“I am not _nesting_!”

“Oh, right, of course, I suppose you’re just getting your fill of cuddles before you have to go a full week without me,” Soonyoung teases, smacking kisses to the top of Jihoon’s head. “What a lovely little darling sweetie-pie I have for a boyfriend!”

Jihoon makes a gagging noise, but it’s a testament to how deep he is in his nesting that he doesn’t do anything else. “Stop it with the disgusting petnames,” he tells Soonyoung. Then, after a moment, too casually, “But you’re right, we _will_ be apart for a week.”

He’s fishing. Soonyoung isn’t really sure what for, but that is definitely his fishing voice. “Are you saying you’ll miss me?”

“No,” Jihoon scoffs. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Well, I’ll miss you,” Soonyoung says easily. “You’re mean, Jihoonie. I was going to give you a token, but if you won’t miss me–”

“Wait, hang on, let’s not jump to conclusions here,” says Jihoon, which makes Soonyoung laugh. Bingo.

“If you wanted a token you could’ve just asked, baby,” Soonyoung tells him, heart overflowing with affection for his boyfriend. “You’re so cute.”

“M’not cute,” Jihoon grumbles, but lets Soonyoung cup his face in his hands and kiss him. It’s soft and sweet and lovely, and Soonyoung still can’t believe this is _his_. Jihoon chases his lips when he moves to pull away, kisses him again tender and lingering. For all he pretends not to have any feelings, Jihoon’s obviously already missing him. It makes Soonyoung smile.

“I’m trying to kiss you here,” Jihoon tells him, annoyed, when Soonyoung’s smile gets too wide to kiss anymore.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Soonyoung grins. “You’re just too adorable.”

Jihoon flushes pink. “Ah, what’s this,” he complains, shoving half-heartedly at Soonyoung in protest. “So you’ll give me a token?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

“Cool,” says Jihoon nonchalantly, like he doesn’t care. He’s so cute, Soonyoung wants to cuddle him close and never let go. He’s about to do just that when the door slams open to reveal Mingyu, a fluffy blue sleeping mask over his eyes and his hands clamping down on his ears over a huge pair of earmuffs.

“Hyungs!” he yells, with the air of a terrified man. “I’m sorry to interrupt but we’re coming to sleep in like five minutes so if you can, um, finish up by then, that’d be great!” He bows, narrowly missing slamming his head on Seokmin’s bedside table. “Alright, bye!”

Mingyu slams the door shut so hard it rattles the doorframe. Soonyoung and Jihoon exchange bewildered, amused glances.

“How much do you want to bet Wonwoo made him do that?” Soonyoung asks, grinning.

“I’m not taking that bet,” Jihoon laughs. He presses a soft kiss to Soonyoung’s lips, then extricates himself from Soonyoung’s grasp and sits up. “Anyway, I’d better get going. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Soonyoung hums. He hates that Jihoon has to go, but loves that there’s a tomorrow. And a day after, a week after, a month after. “Goodnight, Jihoon,” he says, feeling like his heart is so, so full.

Jihoon smiles, soft in his fondness, brushing his fingers through Soonyoung’s hair. “Goodnight, Prince Hoshi.”

Soonyoung’s heart flutters, startling a laugh out of him. “I thought you were against disgusting petnames,” he teases, pleased.

Jihoon looks embarrassed, but doesn’t look away. “You’re the exception to the rule,” he says.

Soonyoung can’t help but smile, feeling warm and happy and so, so loved.

He has to admit, he was wrong, before. As it turns out, there isn’t anything that Soonyoung just accepts as a limitation.

Not even his secondary gender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that! I'm so happy and proud to have finished this story. It's the first multi-chap fic I've finished in at least two years!
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading! Thank you all so much for your support, your kudos and comments, your tweets at me, your tumblr messages- I don't know if this would have been finished without you. To those who have been following this, whether you've been here from the beginning or jumped in in the middle, thank you for your patience! I'm sorry you had to wait so long. This is for you.
> 
> And of course, thanks as always to @tinydoodler and @nilsace for putting up with me yelling about this fic to them, haha. 
> 
> Alright, this is sappy enough. Thanks again for reading and for all your love and support, I hope you've enjoyed this little story. I'd still love to hear your thoughts on this story, what you thought worked and what didn't - so please feel free to drop a comment down below, or hit me up on Tumblr or Twitter @mysterywoozi!
> 
> Thank you so much.
> 
> Love,   
> mysterywoozi


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